One last ode to Fall.

SOOO, Mike has been gone all week, and the leaves in the front yard needed some serious attention. Uggh. That's the part of fall I don't look forward too. Except to watch my kids play in them. So this morning I went out to finish up, in anticipation of stormy weather, and not wanting yucky wet leaves everywhere. Bailey and Kyle play really well together--when they want to. It was fun to watch them try and be helpers. Bailey is only in a couple of these because she was all business about getting all of the leaves raked up.

What a stinkin' cutie!

Cheese Ball! (that is one of our favorite things Kyle says)

"Here is a pretty leaf mom!"

Kyle doesn't get that he should jump in the leaves, he just loves the sound and feel as he runs through them.

My two hams. (And turkeys sometimes too!)

Icing on the cake!

Let me start off by saying I had the best day. Well, at least the late afternoon, and evening. I went to the temple, despite all of those nagging thoughts like "I am so tired, I will just fall asleep." and "I don't feel so good." I went much earlier than usual, I got into the 5 o'clock session--and it ended up being nearly empty. Ok, not that bad, but the smallest session I have ever been in. AND I am happy to report I didn't even nod off once! That is the first time in a long time for me. Not that I am not glad to be there, and intent on staying awake, but the peace, and the quiet, and the lights dimmed seems to get me everytime. :) A sweet lady a couple of seats away had a seizure--how horrible is that? Seemed like it was a regular thing for her though, and she was just fine after a few minutes. I just love the spiritual high I leave the temple with. Makes me feel like I can keep on keeping on.

Then I get home, get the kiddos in bed, and check my email. I have been reading this blog http://kaceyscouponcorner.blogspot.com/ that I found from my friend Brandi's blog. It is this awesome lady who posts deals and all sorts of couponing ways to save money. Last week I checked in on it, and saw she was doing a giveaway for this cute table that I posted a photo of, and I entered. I entered totally NOT expecting to win--I don't think I have won anything like that since high school maybe. Well, I WON!!! Hooray, I am so excited. She lives in Colorado, so hopefully she is ok with shipping it to me here in Utah. If not, well, maybe we'll have to take a drive to visit our old friends in Grand Junction. :) Either way--I am so stoked that I actually won something. And better yet that it is a totally awesome prize. I can just see my little ragamuffins chowing down at it next spring. Moral of the story...good days do come along after all. :D

Halloween!

Love blogger and the picture order! Oh well, here is my much anticipated Halloween post. I know Y'all have been dying to see my cute family in our Halloween digs. :)

Could I be any bigger?! Holy cow, and I still have 4 months left. This is definitely my LAST kid--I don't think I can buy clothes to fit a HOUSE!! :P

Tyler is such an amazing helper. Sometimes he is a little TOO much in Kyle's "personal space," but he is so sweet! Here we are starting off to the "trunk or treat" in Mike's parents neighborhood.

This is Tyler at the end of the Halloween Parade at school. They let the parents pile into the gym to see the little kids--so fun!


I was able to go help with the Halloween party for Tyler's class. It was fun, and CRAZY!!! I don't know how his teacher does that everyday. Takes a special kind of person--and they deserve saint hood!!

This should be with the one at the end, but at our ward party they had a doughnut on a string thing, and the young men convinced Mike, the Bishop and his wife, and another guy in the ward to compete against each other. It was funny! they were way too close together, but it was fun to watch. This is Mike WINNING! That's my guy. :)

And Optimus Prime showed up at our house. I was suprised he fit in the door. And he turns out to be much nice than I thought he'd be.

Here is my not so smily BYU Cheerleader. She said this is her happy smile--whatever! When people would ask her for a cheer, she would barely whisper it--goof ball.

And here is my sweet mini-Optimus. He loved being the same thing as Tyler, and even kept the mask on most of the time--much to my suprise.

Here is Mike going up against the Bishop. Looks a little like they might be going in for a KISS if you ask me. HA!

I fall for FALL!!!

I really do love this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold (until today that is) Fun to have warm soup, and enjoy the last bits of warm days and sunshine before the winter hits. (dun, dun, dun) I also love how excited my kids are about all of the different happenings. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas coming before we know it. SO grateful that Christmas came a little early, and brought us a new camera to document it all! Last night we carved pumpkins--which I love, but gets a little wary when the kids aren't quite old enough to do all the hard work. But we had fun, and love our pumpkin family out on the porch.

(Tried getting one without the flash to show it lit up. Still working on my photography skills!)

I told Tyler he really had to get his hands in the pumpkin to get all of the "guts" out--he wasn't too keen on the idea.

Tyler hard at work designing the perfect "Scary" pumpkin. He ended up going with one of the patterns Annie brought over--lot's of work for one great daddy!

Kyle wanted to hack right in to his pumpkin--good thing he only had one of those kid knives from Ikea. What a ham!

Grandma "Idaho" sent a package for Bailey and Kyle for Halloween. Bailey didn't take this butterfly costume off for 2 days! Thanx Grandma!

Tyler got this cool light up shirt. Or should I say SCARY?? Everything with him this year needs to be spooky. "Our decorations need to be spookier mom!" And he keeps asking why some people don't have their Halloween decorations up yet--"it's almost Halloween!"

Awww--don't we need a dog?! How cute is my little family, plus one four legged friend? We doggie-sat for Michelle for a few days while they were out of town. Dottie was so sweet to have around, and I actually find myself missing her now that we took her home yesterday. The kids loved her! They wanted to go out and play with her, first thing in the morning, no matter how cold it was out there. Someday. :)

Talk about a scare!

So, I never really considered myself a worrier, until now. I guess a large part of it comes from miscarrying in May, and getting pregnant RIGHT away afterwards. I am SO grateful to be pregnant, but I find myself trying to talk myself out of worrying myself sick, almost constantly. So last night when I started spotting, I LOST it. Mike was busy with work, and I called my parents house and bawled to my poor dad for a while. He is so sweet to listen to his crazy daughter, and give me some good advice. Then when Mike did call, I lost it again. My poor kids--they were so worried too. We said a prayer, and sweet Tyler kept telling me, "Mom, I think Heavenly father heard our prayer, and the baby is going to be ok." How do you argue with that? Tyler came in at 5 AM (who's kid is he anyway??) So while I was already awake I went in to go "potty." More than just spotting now. I went in and told Mike maybe we are only ment to have 3 kids, and sat on the bed and cried, and cried...and CRIED! Then I went and googled, which I know often isn't good in cases like this, but actually made me feel a lot better that the baby might still be ok. I called my OB's office first thing, and they got me in at 10. My super kind visiting teacher watched Kyle and Bailey for me, because I could NOT do that alone again. They got me right back, and checked the heart beat. She found it right away--RELIEF!!! I have never been more grateful in my life--or at least it feels that way right now. My midwife came in (LOVE her BTW!) and told me she wanted me to get in to the perinatologist to see if they could find a reason for the bleeding. They got me in at 2:30--same day. Another big blessing! Getting in there was a whole other story though. They said come with a FULL bladder--not an easy thing in adn of itself. Then I get there, and they say they don't have me on the schedule, and my dr's office didn't fax the order. Come on! They randomly send me over to Labor and Delivery, where they wonder what in the world I am doing over there at only 17 weeks pregnant. But a sweet RN took pity on me, and wrote me up an order, and called over to Radiology, where they now miraculously find me on the schedule. Then back to check in, (Still super full bladder) then over to Radiology. I check in there, and proceed to wait until past 3:30 for my 2:30 appt. (in case you are keeping track, I have gone potty for a LOOONG time) ON our way back to the ultrasound room, the girl says sorry about the wait. I said I would have not had a problem if my bladder wasn't about to explode. ;) She says--"Oh, you didn't need to have a full bladder. You can go right now! WHAT?? Much better. Long ultrasound, so fun to see the baby. That never gets old to me. He/she was moving around like crazy--great to see it is active and looks healthy. They looked a lot at my placenta, which seems to be covering my cervix a little, but not too big of a deal. Comes out that they are not sure why I was bleeding, but my dr. says to expect it to reoccur, but not to be alarmed unless it is really bad. (easy for HIM to say!)

Moral of the story is, don't let your crazy, hormone driven, irrational fears get away with you. Now, I do feel like I had good reason to worry, but I have recieved a lot of peace since I found out I was pregnant, and I need to quit doubting and have some faith. :0)

Family Night

Alrighty--I have been a major blog slacker as of late. I blame it partially on the "morning" sickness, and partially on the fact that my camera has been MIA since Mike got home from Scout camp. (I think it's somewhere with my cell phone, which I now cannot find!) But tonight was SOO much fun, I just had to blog it. Saturday Mike went to the BYU game (which we will not speak of any further) he went way early with a friend to all of the tail-gating stuff before hand, and came home and told me about going to the BYU Creamery before hand, and since then I have been craving bubble gum ice cream (I know--weird, but not as odd as some pregnancy cravings)

So tonight as I was looking at the gorgeous mountains dotted with red I thought--Hmmm, we could go for a drive up the canyon, and then take the kids to the creamery. The drive was beautiful. We drove up to Squaw Peak, which is one of my favorite spots since I was a kid, but the road is pretty windey. Apparently a little TOO windey for some of us, because Bailey decided she needed to throw up--all over everywhere! Throw up is something I remember wondering how my mom coped with growing up, and thinking specifically--"How am I ever going to clean up someone ELSE'S puke??" Well, I have come to realize you just DO IT. Along with many other things in motherhood, you love your kids, and just do it. And since my dear husband wimps out around vomit, I get to just do it a lot. Bailey seems to be my car sick one too, I was thinking as I was trying to clean her up that she is the only one of the kids to throw up in the car. And it has happened often. Then she cried because she could not go in to the creamery with throw up everywhere? What a mean mommy I am. I told her it would make everyone else want to throw up too, and she begged for an ice cream still. Since I figured it was likely just car sickness, I caved and bought her one--and then she wanted mine!! Goof ball.

Then on the way home, Tyler was about to die because he had to go potty SOOOO bad. Everytime we passed a gas station, or store he'd say "Oh great, we passed another one!" We made it home, but boy--these are the days right? People always say to cherish these times, because I will miss them some day. I know that is true, but there are times I seriously question. :) But hey--we made some memories--right?!! Although the kids did want me to take their pictures while we were up at Squaw Peak, and I had to explain to them that we have no clue where the camera is. :(

My son. the professional Kindergartener

This is actually the second day of school, but it was so cute--Kyle has been wearing a backpack around ALL the time, wanting to be like his big brother!

It was a little chaotic to say the least when I dropped Tyler off the first day (what can I say--my first time too!) But I snapped one photo of him playing, and oblivious to what's going on! So funny to see him with the other kids, because he is at LEAST a head taller than all of them. The playground lady has even asked him several times if he is really supposed to be on the kindergarten playground. :)

Here he is--"Going Hero!" as Ben 10 would say. I still cannot believe my little man is in kindergarten! A few days before school started, I got an overwhelming feeling about the fact that this is it for him--school for the next 12 years at least. WOW! He is so excited though. There has been a little confusion with his teacher and stuff, they had to hire another teacher because they ended up with a lot more kids than they thought. He was upset to not have the teacher that he had met for the testing, but the morning of his second day (he has been waking up at 6 or earlier because he is SO excited) he came in and was talking to me, and he said "I don't just like it, I LOVE IT!!" He says the best things. His temporary teacher came up to me after the first day and said "Holy cow, he is reading and everything already!" He is such a great boy, I am so proud of him. I had the proudest mommy moment while he was doing his assesment, so fun to see you kids grow up. :)

I had to include this on here. Mike has been working on this for a while, and is so proud of it. You can't see in the daylight, but he even put lights on it! He plans on lighting it up every win (Which hopefully is a lot!) He's received some razzing from a few neighbors, but he is super excited about it. What a handy man, and a BYU nut I have! Love both!

Here we go again.

(This top one is the one from 6 1/2 weeks. I have never had an ultrasound that early--not really much there but a clump of cells. But you could see the heart beating already in the middle--nothing better :))

I have kept the secret pretty darn long--especially for me. This is some sort of record for sure. I saw the doctor for my second time last week, and decided it's ok for me to be excited. So here I am--sharing my news--with all y'all! I am just about 12 weeks along--my due date is March 5 (Happy Birthday Dad!) I went in for an ultrasound at 6 weeks, because my sweet midwife told me to come in about then so I could see that things were ok, and be more certain of a due date, as the date of my D&C isn't really accurate for figuring that out. I was honestly suprised to get pregnant this quickly. It has been a mixed bag of emotions for me. I am SCARED to death!! I have never been so anxious about anything. Well, anything I have absolutely no control over at least. I am so excited too. I was honestly heart broken when I lost the last baby, and wondered how long it would take for us to have another one. I went to the temple just a week or so after I found out, and felt such overwhelming peace while I was there. I know in that logical part of my brain things will be ok. But boy it is hard to not let the other train of thought run away with me. It's amazing how attached you become to the little peanut--whether you like it or not. I swear I have been sicker this time, which is good, and bad. My husband has been so sweet and patient, and my kids have been great to fend for themselves on the days I am not "high-functioning."

So, here we go again. Hopefully things turn out better this time than last. I am sure they will. God is good, and the sun truly does come out tomorrow.

Long time coming

So the last time I was asked to give a talk was Fathers Day 05, which was right after we moved into this ward, and I had just had Bailey. Nearly 4 1/2 years later, I got the call again. I guess they wouldn't want me to feel bad or anything! :) I was asked to speak on service, which was a great topic, and I think it turned out well. (lot's of praying before hand helps!) I am posting this mostly for my parents, so no one else feel obligated to read. (But you are welcome to, of course!)

As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have a responsibility to care for and serve our brothers and sisters. Elder Michael J. Teh of the Seventy said, “Many believe that for service to be meaningful it should consist of having elaborate plans and forming a committee. Although many of these worthwhile projects help, much of the service needed in the world today relates to our day-to-day associations with each other. Often we find these opportunities within the confines of our own home, neighborhood, and ward.
The words from the hymn, “Have I done any good?” are a wonderful reminder of what we ought to ask ourselves regarding service. “Has anyone’s burden been lighter today, because I was asked to share? Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there? Then WAKE UP and do something more than dream of your mansion above. Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, a blessing of duty and love. Doing good truly can be a pleasure, and a blessing.
The biggest difference in the way service “turns out” is our attitude going in to it. President Eyring reminds us that the prophet Jacob said, “lift up hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” of those around you. You are the Lords servant covenanted to do for others, as best you can, what He would do. The part in that that stands out most to me is that we are covenanted to do the best WE can. Not as much as our neighbor, or a relative is doing, but the best we can. There are times for me in my life where I feel I am not adequately serving, but I realize that at this “stage” in my life right now, as I have young children who need me to attend to most every need, this is where I am serving the Lord best RIGHT NOW. I strive to serve where and when I can, and love the opportunity to do so. Serving others can at times seem an overwhelming task. President Eyring also said in a talk during the Priesthood session, (but this also applies to the Sisters of the church) Many of us may have discovered that serving in the church will stretch you to the point that you wonder if you can stretch that far. For men, you may have thought “Once I finish my mission, being a faithful priesthood holder will get easier.” But in a few years, you found yourself getting even less sleep at night, while trying to support a wife and a new baby, being kind and loving, scrambling to get some education, reaching out to the members of your elders quorum, perhaps even helping them to move their furniture, and trying to find time to serve your ancestors in the temple. You may have kept a smile on your face with the thought: “When I get a little older, being a faithful priesthood holder will not require so much. It will get easier.” Those of you further down the road are smiling because you know something about priesthood service. It is this: the more faithful service you give, the more the Lord asks of you. Your smile is a happy one because you know that He increases our power to carry the heavier load. The tough part of that reality, however, is that for Him to give you that increased power you must go in service and faith to your outer limits. It is like building muscle strength. You must break down your muscles to build them up. You push muscles to the point of exhaustion. Then they repair themselves, and they develop greater strength. Increased spiritual strength is a gift from God which He can give when we push in His service to our limits. Through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our natures can be changed. Then our power to carry burdens can be increased more than enough to compensate for the increased service we will be asked to give. That helps me understand when I see someone else who makes service look easy. I know that they have either passed hard tests, or that the tests lie ahead. So rather than envying them, I stand ready to help when the going gets harder for them, because it surely will.
The Lord does not ask to serve, and leave us helpless. D&C 84:88 comforts us: “And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” Time and again over our lives, the Lord has given up the experiences to build strength, courage, and determination. He knew how much we would need it to serve Him.
We are never forced to serve, but are given the opportunities to bless, and be blessed in return. Our Savior gave Himself in unselfish service. He taught that each of us should follow Him by denying ourselves of selfish interests in order to serve others. Elder Oaks quoted President Hinkley as saying, “He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity. President Monson said, “Perhaps when we face our Maker, we will not be asked, How many positions did you hold? But rather, How many people did you help? In reality, you can never love the Lord until you serve him by serving His people. Elder Oaks also quotes a letter from a friend as saying, “Years ago, I changed my attitude about going to church. NO longer do I go to church for my sake, but to think of others. I make a point of saying hello to people who sit alone, to welcome visitors, to volunteer for an assignment. In short, I go to church each week with the intent of being active, not passive, and making a positive difference in people’s lives. Consequently, my attendance at Church meetings is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling.” All of this illustrates the eternal principal that we are happier and more fulfilled when we act and serve for what we give, not for what we get.”
My mother in law suffered a stroke the doctors referred to as “catastrophic” in late January of this year. She has always been the one to serve in that family. She has truly been an amazing example to me of selflessness, and now she is the one being served. She is making new strides daily, and I am inspired by her strength, but especially in the beginning she needed help around the clock. We have all been able to help in some form or another, and I know I have been blessed by serving her far more than she has. Her entire ward stepped up with monetary contributions, and volunteering their time and sweat to renovate her 100 year old house to allow her to come home. I have watched her, and she has had such a hard time being on the receiving end of so much service, and feeling like she cannot do anything in return. But I feel like this is everyone else’s turn to return, in some small portion, all of the love and service she has given for her entire life. I am heart broken that this had to happen to her, but am grateful for the opportunity for our entire family to grow and show our love for her. Even my children are doing what they can, we prayed so often for her, especially in those first few weeks when it was not certain she would come out on top, that one day Tyler said to me, “Mom, I think we can stop praying for her now—Heavenly Father has heard us, and she is doing much better!” And the other night for family home evening we went over and weeded Grandmas ENORMOUS garden, and had a nice talk about serving others, and why it is important. Of course, after we got home I got a call from Brother Hirschman asking me to speak today—I think I must have room to improve. J
Another strong example of service throughout my life has been my own mother. Growing up we did not have a lot of money, but my mom did whatever she had to do to make sure we had what we needed. I remember going with her to clean a neighbor’s house, or seeing her stay up all night to sew a quilt to sell. She was blessed with an amazing ability to sew. She can see just about anything, and sew it. Every Christmas and Easter my sisters and I got to pick out the fabric, and received a new dress. Sometimes we matched (which my older sister hated and I loved) or not, but we always had a new dress to wear to church that Sunday. And despite the fact that we had barely enough to make it, my mom always made a set of dresses for a family in our ward that she knew would not have any. She somehow got the girls sizes, and would make gorgeous dresses. When I was old enough to be let in on the secret, and keep it, I was able to go with her a few times to drop the dresses off and run. It was always so exciting to see the girls at church with their new dresses, and see how happy they were.
Elder Teh shared a similar lesson he was taught by his own mother, “My mother was a great example of helping others by giving them a boost. She taught us many important lessons. The one lesson that has had the most lasting effect on my life was her desire to help anyone in need who visited our home. It bothered me to see many of them leave with our food, our clothing, and even our money. Because I was young, and we were poor, I did not like what I saw. How could she give to others when our family did not even have enough? Was it wrong to attend to our needs first? Didn’t we deserve a more comfortable life? For years I struggled with these questions. Much later in life, I finally realized what mother was teaching. Even as she struggled with the effects of a crippling disease, she could not stop giving to those in need. “Wherefore be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small and simple things proceedeth that which is great.” Serving others need not come from spectacular events. Often it is the simple daily act that gives comfort, uplifts, encourages, sustains, and brings a smile to others.
I am a strong believer in that principle; that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. You may never know the difference a simple hello, a compliment, or stopping to chat for a minute may make in someone’s life, but it can be far reaching. I know I have been on the receiving end of many of those instances, and am grateful to those who have blessed my life.
During the 2008 Christmas Devotional, President Eyring shared a story of helping others that I had never heard before, but will forever hold dear. “Bishop Sellers ward chapel was close to the highway of the small town. During the Great Depression, destitute people traveling from town to town looking for a way to them selves turned to the LDS bishops for help. The bishops would often send them to the home of Bishop Sellers. There was a reason for that. There was a tradition in the Sellers family, they welcomed strangers in need. In stead of dinner being only a family meal, 1,2, or 3 strangers might be at the table. The strangers would be in ragged clothes. After they enjoyed a delicious meal prepared by Sister Sellers, the bishop would give them a coat from the supply of surplus Army coats he had purchased. Once fitted with a warm coat, and carrying a package of another meal prepared by Sister Sellers, they would go out into the bitter winter with warm hearts. The sites, and the sounds, and the feeling of the day would stay with them. Because some of the coldest nights in Rexburg were during the Christmas season, and because of the families tradition of year long charity, the children of the Sellers family carried a memory of parents giving gifts that Jesus would have given on the day in December when we honor Him. What a wonderful example of Christ-like service. Bishop Sellers was my great grandfather. I saw so much of that charity in my grandfather, and now realize where he learned it from.
I pray that we may all do as Elder Eyring asked, and have a part of the desire which Jehovah had, in the world before this one, when He asked to come down from the realms of glory to serve us and give His life for us. He asked His Father, “Send Me.” May we strive, whatever our circumstance, to stretch ourselves a little closer to our “outer limits,” and bless the lives of those around us through service.

Gee Whiz...

Gosh I need to update my blog huh? What a slacker I am. Is anyone out there still interested?

To my BFF!

So, today is my mom's birthday (#39 in case you are wondering, wink, wink!) I am a slacker/totally forgetful, and failed to get something in the mail for her, so I thought to myself, "Self, why not post a blog for her, telling her how much she means to you?" So here we are. My mom truly is one of my very bestest friends. She is who I call when I am having a rough day, or have good news to share, or just anything really. She would do anything for any body. She has always been one of my greatest examples of service, and sacrifice. Growing up, we weren't "rolling in it," but she always made sure we had things. She cleaned people's houses, stayed up all night sewing things, pretty much what ever it took she did. For us. I love her for that. I love her because I KNOW she has always done the very best she could with what she had, and I hope to do the same. Thank you mom for always being there for me, and for even letting me return the favor every now and then. Thank you for coming to help me after each of my kids were born, even for laughing at Mike and I trying to figure out how to dress Tyler when he was all "frogged" and didn't want to stretch out. Wish we lived closer and I'd have baked a cake!

America the Beautiful!

Can I just say how proud I am to be an American. This last week as we drove home from my sisters in Arizona, it hit me how beautiful our country is. Truly beautful! And today as we celebrated Independence Day, I have been thinking a lot about how blessed we are to enjoy the freedoms and comforts we do. Mike and I watched the movie Blood Diamond on TV the other night, and got talking about how we really have no real idea of how fourtunate we are to live here in America. I cannot imagine living in a place where I was afraid to walk down the street with my children, or fear someone attacking us in our home! I am greatful to live in this great nation, no matter our flaws. I am grateful to those who fight to preserve our freedoms, despite the fact that some people protest their brave actions. Happy Day! :0)

Sugar Mama!

Happy Birthday Courtnie Jean!!! I cannot believe you are 8 already. What a fantastic girl you are. We cannot wait to come and see you get baptized next week. Hope you have a great birthday!

K.W. ....

Happy Birthday Kyle! What a sweet addition to our family Kyle is. He is a good mixture of both Tyler and Bailey--in looks and personality. He is a go-er from the moment he wakes up, but loves to stop and SNUG with mommy too. Tonight while we were eating dinner, I said "Raise your hand if you are happy Kyle is in our family." And everyone raised TWO hands! His favorite thing right now is cars--and Tyler wonders out loud all the time why he likes cars so much. Hmmm....have you seen Tyler?!

This screams--"Put me back!"

Still the same little smirk.

Awww...Miss you Cobabies!

Abbie loved Kyle so much when they first came to see us after he was born. She didn't want to put him down, and he loved being held by her. So fun!

Now this is my Kyle! Raaaar!!

Shout Out!

OK--so I am lame. I'll admit that up front. But I REALLY want to go see Kelly Clarkson when she is here in Orem THIS Thursday! I have been to ONE, that's right one concert my entire life. (Aside from siblings band concerts, and the Symphony) My sisters, and my brother and his wife went to see Dixie Chicks when I was 7 months pregnant with Tyler. I was swollen beyond belief, and we were on the TOP row of the Delta Center. It was still awesome, mostly because I love the Dixie Chicks. But come on--I love Kelly Clarkson, and she is going to be here, in Orem, not Salt Lake, at some massive arena where at this point I'd be top row and so far away I'd just watch her on the Jumbotron. She is going to be at the UVU Baseball field--so any seat is not THAT far away. So--who wants to go with me?! There has to be someone out there that wants to go to--secretly or whatever. We'll have lot's of fun, come on--you know you want to!

Little May tidbits.

I thought I'd get a little more May in--while it's still here. We have a "tradition" of getting together with Mike's sister Andrea and her husband for Cinco de Mayo and eating enchiladas, and killing a pinata. The kids love the pinata, which usually ends up getting that final whack from Daddy or Uncle Elden.

I walked downstairs one morning, and this is what I found. Bailey and Kyle "sleeping" on the stairs. Bailey even got Kyle a pillow and blanket. And Kyle had a Pony tucked in with him--awww.

We also had our first lost tooth! (Now 2 at Grandmas house this weekend) It took him forever to work that thing out, I finally convinced him to let me help a little before the ice cream store closed! Unfourtunately it looks like my kids are getting daddy's teeth--the Orthodontists will love us! I keeping hoping maybe his teeth will work out the space issues on their own!



He smiles this way all the time now--gotta show off that awesome space! The tooth fairy may have forgotten to come get his tooth and leave him some money this last time. We got home from Idaho really late, and I was SOO tired, I forgot all about it after getting them all to bed and everything. He came in the morning, and as soon as I heard his door open I realized and felt SO bad! He was so disappointed, and after he went downstairs Mike hurried in and put in under Bailey's pillow, and we said the tooth fairy must have just gotten mixed up, because last time she came he was in that bed. He lit right up--thank goodness! The tooth fairy will not do THAT again. :)

To the our little graduate!

Wow--what a crazy month this has been. I am just realzing how much has gone on this month--and I have mixed emotions about it coming to an end. Tyler had his Preschool graduation last week--I couldn't have been prouder! Last year he really struggled with it, and this year he was awesome! Boy are we going to miss Ms. Diane next year. Sad for us that she is only going to teach kindergarten. She has done amazing things for my children, and I am sad that Kyle will never get to enjoy her too. I just keep reminding myself to be happy with what we did get of her! Here's to hoping next year goes this well.

Tyler and one of his "best friends" Cody--cheesers!

Starting his walk.

Holding the flag for the pledge--so proud!

All is well.

I just wanted to update you to let you know I am still here, and doing suprisingly well. I have been amazed and overjoyed at the outpuring of love and support I/we have received over the past week! What a blessing to know that so many people are there for us, and know what we are going through. Wednesday morning before we headed to the hospital (at 5:45 AM!) Mike gave me a sweet blessing, and since then I have felt nothing but peace. The hospital staff were all so nice, and the only time I found myself upset was as they took me in to the operating room. It felt so final. So overwhelming to think that this is where my relationship (in the physical sense at least) with this little one I have been carrying for the last 3 1/2 months would end. I tried not to look around too much, and just relaxed into the anesthesia. I woke up and the sweetest nurse ever was there, and she listened to me jabber on and on, and told me of her own loss. I asked he how long it would take for me to stop feeling that aweful feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see a pregnant lady, or see a newborn. She said it may take a while, but it's ok to feel that way. I hate feeling that way! I just want to see those people and be happy for them--which I TOTALLY am, but there is a lingering sick feeling there too. Today I went to Target, and saw soo many pregnant ladies (this is Utah County!) And heard a little newborn cry, and that was the first time in a few days I have wanted to cry myself. On the way home from the hospital, we stopped and rented some movies (Mike watched Twilight with me, and I actually think he didn't hate it too much) and we loaded up on JUNK. Mike sister had been watching the kids that morning, and my sister Michelle came and took them for the rest of the day. It was so nice just to spend time the two of us. I took an awesome nap--which i never get with my sweet kids around, and we just veged. I have realized that this will all be for our good, and am at peace with Heavenly Father's plan for me. Thank you all so much for your love and support!

Outlet

Ok--so mostly I use this blog as a place to post pictures of my kids, who are pretty much my world. But today I need an outlet, and here I am. Today has been ONE of my hardest days yet. (I say yet because there have been a few harder, and I am sure there are more to come) For my entire pregnancy so far with this baby I have felt something was "off." I felt much this same way with Bailey though, and was hoping it just meant this was going to be a girl, and my girls just give me anxiety from the get go. I went to my first OB appointment, and felt a lot more at ease once I saw the baby on the ultrasound, and there was a good heart beat. I expressed to my midwife my worries, and she told me to feel free to come in anytime and hear the heart beat, if I was feeling nervous. I still have had that looming dark cloud feeling, but tried to push past it, and enjoy this pregnancy, as it is likely our last baby. We decided not to find out the sex of this baby, and I have resisted buying anything yet, which is hard for me to do if you know me. I just bought some super cute maternity clothes on Old Navy.com (which arrived today--timing!) So today I had another check up, and they were checking for the heart beat, and nothing. I have had it be a little harder to find, especially in the begining, but never this hard. The girl had someone else come in to try, and after a minute she said lets not put you through this any more, let's just go get an unltrasound to find that baby. Of course Mike no longer comes with me to my appointments (not since Tyler, not with 3 kids at home to wrangle, and work) My sweet midwife came and hugged me while I was waiting for the ultrasound, and assured me this was really common, and she was sure the baby was just hiding under my pelvic bone. When I got in for the ultra sound, it didn't take long for me to see there was no heart beat. I could see that little body, head, back, arms and legs, but no heart beat. I started crying, and she said how sorry she was (her name is Lindsey too--with an E even) I asked how long ago it had died, and she said it looks like about a week ago! Ugggh. I went back and my midwife came in, and hugged me some more. She said how she wished she could do something for me, take away my pain--SO DID I! I wished Mike were there, or my mom! (Funny how you never really stop wishing your mom was there at times like this) I met the other Dr, and he was really nice too. My friend sees him, and has said how he is a little lacking in the bedside manner department, but he was very kind. I am going in for a "D and C" (which is a term I have heard, but just read up on myself.) I cried when I called Mike as I was walking to the car. Then I called my mom, and cried HARD! After we hung up, I thought about what the D and C means for that little life I just saw on the screen. No longer alive, I know, but to think of it just gone kills me. Funny how you can grow to love something so small in such a short amount of time. That is one of the things that has amazed me most about motherhood. This is my first miscarriage, and so far I am not a fan. I thought I knew somewhat of the pain of losing a child, as I went thru a roller coaster ride of thinking I was pregnant month after month before Tyler, and then not. It was no where near this. I am grateful to have my 3 children here at home, to keep perspective, and keep me busy. But the doctor said something to me that I will not soon forget. He said this is a loss. You had a child, and you have lost it. Don't let anyone discount that, and don't discount it yourself. No matter how big it was, it was a life. At first, Mike and I were both so shocked about this pregnancy. We were planning on getting pregnant this summer, but after a few weeks, we both started to get excited, and especially in the last couple of months. We will try again, but how? I am so nervous, thinking what if I feel that uneasy feeling again? I did not have it with Tyler or Kyle, and they were both healthy babies. I guess the only thing you CAN do is roll with what comes. Thanx for "listening."

SAND Hollow

OK--so the weekend of the 18th, we headed down to warmer climates and camped with my sister Michelle and her family, and Josh and his family. This is the first time we have been camping since Bailey was a newborn, and we were a little hesitant at first to say the least. But boy are we glad we went! We had so much fun--on the way home we were calculating how long until we can purchase a truck, and some 4-wheelers to pull behind it. The kids had SOO much fun, which was my main motivation in going. Mike had a few days off, and instead of just lounging around not doing much--we went for some camping fun! The only problem was the wind, and the fact that both of the air mattresses we brought were NO GOOD!

Blogger does funny things with the order of pictures these days--and I decided not to fret about it too much and just go with it--so here we go! When the kids got tired out, and we were all trying to clean up, they watched a movie in Josh's vehicle. These three boys are June, July and August birthdays--so fun!


Our loverly family--nice and clean for a photo! (Kyle was sleeping in the Van)




See--here's Kyle. He had a hard time falling asleep, so when he finally did--it was wonderful!

Cute little Parker--holding on to the ball so no one else got it.

Josh's little girl Megan--all ready to go on a ride. The kids all couldn't get enough of the 4-wheelers.

Kyle was so funny--he would sit on the 4-wheelers, and want to go on a ride SOO bad, but didn't want to have the helmet on and be buckled in. The morning before we left Mike finally got him on the little one, and he was ALL smiles!

Mike--loading up to take the kids on a ride. The big 4-wheeler of Michelle and Aarons is AWESOME! It has seat belts, and a roll bar on the top--feels extra safe! And it fits 5 people, which is great!

Josh, Megan, and Michelle--FUN ride!

The kids loved playing in the sand. It was so much fun to see them all play so well together. It still amazes me to see us have our own kids now.

Kyle's ready or not! He is really starting to get into cars and all of the fun "Boy" things--it is a lot of fun.