All is well.

I just wanted to update you to let you know I am still here, and doing suprisingly well. I have been amazed and overjoyed at the outpuring of love and support I/we have received over the past week! What a blessing to know that so many people are there for us, and know what we are going through. Wednesday morning before we headed to the hospital (at 5:45 AM!) Mike gave me a sweet blessing, and since then I have felt nothing but peace. The hospital staff were all so nice, and the only time I found myself upset was as they took me in to the operating room. It felt so final. So overwhelming to think that this is where my relationship (in the physical sense at least) with this little one I have been carrying for the last 3 1/2 months would end. I tried not to look around too much, and just relaxed into the anesthesia. I woke up and the sweetest nurse ever was there, and she listened to me jabber on and on, and told me of her own loss. I asked he how long it would take for me to stop feeling that aweful feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see a pregnant lady, or see a newborn. She said it may take a while, but it's ok to feel that way. I hate feeling that way! I just want to see those people and be happy for them--which I TOTALLY am, but there is a lingering sick feeling there too. Today I went to Target, and saw soo many pregnant ladies (this is Utah County!) And heard a little newborn cry, and that was the first time in a few days I have wanted to cry myself. On the way home from the hospital, we stopped and rented some movies (Mike watched Twilight with me, and I actually think he didn't hate it too much) and we loaded up on JUNK. Mike sister had been watching the kids that morning, and my sister Michelle came and took them for the rest of the day. It was so nice just to spend time the two of us. I took an awesome nap--which i never get with my sweet kids around, and we just veged. I have realized that this will all be for our good, and am at peace with Heavenly Father's plan for me. Thank you all so much for your love and support!